If you know a narcissist, or are at least familiar with what narcissism is, then you'll be familiar with the traits in the following verses.

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these. - 2 Timothy 3:1-5

One may look at this as a collection of different evil behaviors that will be exhibited by the worldly culture in the end times. While I believe that's true, take a closer look. Notice things like murderers, thieves, and rapists, are not listed. It's not that those things won't happen in the end-times, they will as things get worse, but this isn't a list of the evil deeds that will be done, but rather it's describing the people capable of doing them, i.e. narcissists. Reread the traits above, if you're familiar with narcissism (or psychopathy or sociopathy which both include narcissism), then you'll recognize those being described. Not only that, but look up both worldly resources and even Christian resources on how to deal with a narcissist and most all have come to the same conclusion "avoid such people as these".

Therefore I do not believe these verses are describing a collection of traits divided among many in the end times but rather Paul is warning of a collection of individuals that possess all of these traits...how scary is that? These will be difficult times indeed. Times we may be living in now, given the rapid growth of narcissism. I've gotten feedback from my writings on narcissism from many who find relief in just knowing they aren't crazy as they look around and see many exhibiting these traits around them...even within the church. I often, in previous times, found comfort in nobody other than through the sufferings Paul went through within his close circles (Gal. 4:16) and of course Jesus who was murdered by those He came to save. Thank God He brought me friends who can relate, some of whom provided insight written in this article. If you're surrounded by narcissists, chances are you feel like you're going crazy for that which you know to be good, right, loving, and true, the very characteristics that angered the Pharisees (Luke 6:11) and ultimately got Jesus killed (by God's predetermined plan [Acts 2:23]).

In the following points I plan to elaborate on narcissism referencing many examples in scripture, therefore I would encourage you to look up the verses cited throughout this article to see the biblical context with your own eyes and what those passages are teaching.

1.) Narcissism is not new. While the term narcissist is not found in the bible (this label originates from Greek mythology), those exhibiting the traits of narcissism can be found in many places in scripture. While we now have a label for it, there is nothing new under the sun (Ecc. 1:9). Even in Christian circles....especially in Christian circles are many narcissists. This is a problem today as much as it was a problem in biblical times. Like the Pharisees who crucified our Lord, they play the game, they say the right words, and they become experts in religion, like the verse stated above "they hold to a form of godliness although they have denied its power". They "clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence" (Mat. 23:25). And woe to the person who dares to look inside the cup and expose the "dead men's bones and all uncleanness" (Mat. 23:27). Narcissists want you to support who they project themselves to be, not expose who they actually are. That just fills them with "senseless rage" (Luke 6:11).

2.) Narcissism is in the church. It's been my experience unfortunately that the church often not only fails to discern these individuals and weed them out or at least "avoid such people as these", as the early church also struggled with (Gal. 6:12, 2 Cor. 11:4, 2 John 1:11), but instead they promote them. They appoint them as leaders who in turn appoint others that are not necessarily those who have been anointed by God, but those who have been anointed by them (2 Cor. 11:4). Narcissists appoint leaders who will serve their kingdom and have backup plans (John 12:42) ready to remove those who fail to do so (don't be surprised if you're blindsided, actually thank God you're not even thinking along those lines). Narcissist often have impressive credentials and successful lives (according to the world) and make an impressive showing in the flesh (Gal. 6:12) and can even be quick to credit it all to God (Luke 18:11). Characteristics which the undiscerning mistake for fruit. They look at the outside of the cup and dish which appear clean (Mat. 23:25) and assume it's the work of the Holy Spirit. They see the sheep's clothing and dare not to consider it's a wolf (Luke 7:15), but an angel of light they conclude (2 Cor. 11:13-14). One of the reasons I believe God allows us to go through the suffering at the hands of narcissists is not only so we'll share in His suffering but so that we we'll be equipped going forward and able to come alongside others and offer the same comfort that we've received (2 Cor. 1:4-6). Paul wrote "If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort" (2 Cor. 1:6a).

3.) Narcissism is on the rise. While children are born with narcissistic tendencies, even professionals will say they won't diagnose a child with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as it can be found in all children. The pitfall now is, it's not being trained out of children by their parents (Prov. 13:24), teachers (Prov. 22:6), or society (Rom. 1:32). And what if one or more of the parents themselves are narcissistic? How will the predisposed kid then, who learns by example, not mirror them in the way they process things since it already comes natural for them? And if the parents (or parent) are narcissistic what hope is it that they will see anything wrong with the narcissistic traits in their children, their students, or the general populace, let alone be able to correct them. Because the narcissist is convinced they are superior, they feel their ways are as well, so not only do they not see it as an issue in others that need correction but rather they celebrate it, as such reflects them.

Now more than ever we live in an age where it's seen as utmost important to validate the heart of children rather than correct them. Not only that, there are actually laws in place now to punish a person who might dare to speak truth into someone else life instead of validating their own projected reality or "their truth". Such truth speaking is classified as a hate crime. Narcissism therefore is not only a natural inclination of all people, but it's being nurtured, and furthered by social media, Hollywood, and bias news outlets and is now being protected... and even celebrated by governing authorities (I write this in the middle of "pride month"). If you're a lover of the truth, take comfort in the words of Jesus:

“If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you." - John 15:18-19

4.) Narcissists aspire to leadership and other positions of influence. Narcissists, convinced of their own superiority, believe they should be in positions of influence and power, and because they do not lack confidence, they pursue in earnest that which they feel is rightfully theirs, which they believe all should clearly see they deserve. Because of this positions of power such as government offices, doctors, lawyers, and positions of influence such as teachers, counselors, and movie stars are often filled by them. Unfortunately this is the same within the church as well. Positions such as pastor, elder, worship leader, teacher, and other influential positions are often pursued not by those with the right motives, but by those who believe they belong there, and the church suffers significantly for it. Observe the life of Jesus and the apostles and you will see they did not suffer at the hands of sinners but at the hands of the narcissistic religious leaders, that is, the chief priests, scribes, and pharisees, who cared not about the truth but about their own agenda (Mat. 26:59, John 18:19-24)

Now the chief priests and the entire Council kept trying to obtain false testimony against Jesus, so that they might put Him to death. - Matthew 26:59 (emphasis mine)

Today isn't much different, believers come into the institutional church hoping to find refuge and instead are hurt worse than if they hadn't come at all, which does not sit well with God (Rom. 2:24). The number one reason people give for not returning to church is hypocrisy. That is, people who preach one thing, but their fruit testifies to the contrary. Interestingly this is the same charge that Jesus at large brought against the religious leaders in His day (Mat. 23). In fact, the only time you see Jesus react in righteous anger was specifically because of those who took what was to be a house of prayer and turned it into a robbers den (Mat. 21:13). Similarly the Apostle Paul regularly in each church had to contend with those who disguised themselves as angels of light, sold themselves as apostles, and unfortunately, successfully won positions of leadership, and not only spread their perverted influence (Gal. 5:7-9), but sought to oust those who were true Apostles sharing the truth of the gospel (Gal. 4:16).

But what I am doing I will also continue to do, so that I may eliminate the opportunity from those who want an opportunity to be regarded just as we are in the matter about which they are boasting. For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds. - 2 Corinthians 11:12-15

5.) Narcissists make everything about them. I once heard a statement from a young lady who witnessed another grieving over losing their parent, say in that moment "I can't wait until I experience the death of someone close so I can see how I handle it". Narcissist, like all children, feel the world revolves around them, but even children still grieve the loss of loved ones, narcissists don't usually make such attachments. Consider the prodigal son's older brother. Even though his younger brother had been lost and possibly dead, yet upon His return, while His Father showed unmatched compassion, yet all the older brother could think about was himself and how it affected him. "Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you never gave me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you slaughtered the fattened calf for him'" (Luke 15:29b-30). Narcissists easily put themselves at the center of other peoples stories. The older brother not only was jealous over the Father's compassion, but he likely would have liked to see his younger brother severely punished. Interestingly the Jews use to share this same parable before Jesus wonderfully reappropriated it. In their version the prodigal son just suffered the consequences of his actions and never recovered. Jesus used their parable to highlight not only the Father's amazing grace and compassion, but exposed their errant attitude as well.

Sadly Jesus said there will be many who come to Him on the day of reckoning and their defense for entry into heaven revolves around them:

Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; leave Me, you who practice lawlessness.’ - Matthew 7:22

If you don't think narcissism can exist heavily within the church, consider the works being done in the name of Jesus above, mighty as they were. Does the church know how to discern between these impressive individuals and true followers of Christ? Notice not one argument did they offer take the focus off of themselves and onto Jesus. If only their argument would have been "did You not" instead of "did we not", citing (and therefore trusting) the finished work of Christ, thus glorifing Him and not themselves.

6.) Narcissists gravitate toward those who feed it. In relationships and groups narcissists are drawn to those who feed the beast, which ironically is often other narcissists where one person is validating another person as both value validation over truth. They surround themselves with those who will tickle their ears (2 Tim. 4:3), those who speak their language and they know how to feed the beast. And though they know the others may be liars like themselves, that's okay. Ultimately what they want is to be surrounded by people who will tickle their ears and validate their hearts. Because they are drawn to each other, they sometimes run in hordes for a season, couples and groups collectively bulldozing anyone who gets in their way but making sure it's known that such individuals brought it on themselves through gaslighting, redefining words, and historical revisionism. However, it's often not long though until they turn on each other. Without genuine love there is no staying power. While they will start with love bombing one another, they end with hate bombing and this literally can be from one moment to the next.

Unfortunately this desire for validation draws them to those who are empathetic. They are drawn to other narcissist because those narcissist simulate empathy through love-bombing, etc. But the empath actually cares and concerns themselves far more with the condition of their heart. Therefore the more empathetic you are, the more you'll have the narcissists circling you. While their relationship with other narcissists is seasonal, empaths are the type of people they will feed off of until there is nothing left to give them because you bring the real stuff. Empathetic people love to validate hearts because they feel what that person feels. Validating their heart in turn validates their own because their hearts desire is to bless that other person. But combine that with someone who is weak willed and you have the perfect candidate for the narcissist to leach off of. Empathy is a Godly characteristic (John 11:33-35, Mat. 25:40), and should be characteristic of the church (Rom. 12:15) where our hearts are knit to each other (Rom. 12:15, 1 Sam. 18:1). But if you continue in 2 Timothy 3 after the verse I quoted first at the top of this article, you will see the kind of mindset that unfortunately allow narcissist to continue to take advantage of them.

For among them are those who slip into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, - 2 Timothy 3:6

"Weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses." There is a temptation for us victims of narcissist to think we are 100% the victim, but I don't think that is entirely true, and recognizing this may not only help you reach a place of forgiving them (for your own sake), but also a place where you will no longer be a victim. The phrase "weak women" I believe also applies to men who are empathetic, but women are more inclined to both empathy and weakness. I say weak, because instead of standing up for ourselves, we allow ourselves to be bulldozed for the sake of keeping the peace. We'd rather be run over than cause hard feelings in those running us over. These are the "impulses" that lead us around instead of wisdom making us easy captives for the narcissist to feed on. This is the difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker. Peace keepers avoid conflict at all cost, peacemakers are willing to endure, and even step into conflict for wisdom's sake. Our empathy is wonderful, but how many times will we allow our pearls to be trampled before we heed wisdom that states "avoid such people as these" (2 Tim. 3:5). As the old saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".

Now I will say for the empathetic this is more easily said than done. To extricate yourself from those who are feeding on you will bring the wrath (not using that word flippantly) of those same people, and for the empath who cares for them, this means feeling their unjustified feelings for you as if what they felt truly was you, leaving you wanting to apologize though you've done nothing wrong because you are seeing yourself through their eyes. Therefore this is a very is a difficult step for the empath, but just like surgery always starts with an incision, things need to get worse in order that they may get better. Chances are if you are here reading this, then likely they have already trampled your pearls under their feet and turned, tearing you to pieces (Mat. 7:6). They are experts in making others implode on themselves. The fact is, you did not fail to love them, it's that the beast is never satisfied, the pit has no bottom, narcissism is insatiable, and when a person no longer has any food for the swine, in other words, when you have nothing left to give, they'll leave you destitute, trampled, and move on without a second thought. Therefore for your sake I believe Jesus says "avoid such people as these". It's not that He doesn't love them, it's that He cares about you.

7.) Narcissist do not love the truth. They love being seen as lovers of truth, and there is a significant difference. One who loves the truth will put it above their own reputation, one who loves themselves will elevate the importance of their reputation over truth. Truth is only brought into the picture if it lines up with what they feel and they will hand pick that which fits their narrative, and if anything doesn't, their emotional reasoning takes priority and truth is cast away and they mark as enemies anyone who would dare not cast it off with them.

So have I become your enemy by telling you the truth? - Galatians 4:16

When Paul wrote to the Thessalonians he spoke of those who come in accordance with the activity of Satan who "did not accept the love of the truth so as to be saved" (2 Thes. 2:9-10). The Pharisees literally watched Jesus on the Sabbath day to see if He would heal a man that they might accuse Him (Mark 3:1-2). Never mind the fact He can work miracles thus attesting to Him being the Son of God (John 10:38, 15:24), they literally set that truth aside, truth seen with their own eyes, truth seen as a group, and putting a spin on the law, they watched Him do good to a man, and gaslighted that He was in violation of the law and used that as reason to conspire to kill Jesus (Mark 3:6). As a group they all felt justified and shared this same blatant and deliberate setting aside of the truth that their very eyes had witnessed. When a narcissists enters a debate, their pursuit is not to uncover what is true and right, it's to win, even at the cost of what is true and right. So many times the Pharisees sought to prevail against Jesus, supposing they were smarter, they constantly were trying to trap Him. Sometimes through atrocious displays of ignorance such as the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11), other times trying to get Jesus to dishonor Caesar (Mat. 22:15-17). They hounded the poor blind man whom Jesus healed, trying to give him and his parents to give any other answer than the truth that it was Jesus, and when he wouldn't tell them what they wanted to hear, they persecuted Him and His family (John 9:18-34).

For the time will come when they will not tolerate sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance with their own desires, and they will turn their ears away from the truth and will turn aside to myths. - 2 Timothy 4:3-4

8.) Narcissists are proudly humble. "Oh I'm the chief of sinners" I've heard narcissists boast. On the surface it sounds like humility, but in reality, in Christian circles one who is humble is impressive so it's still a brag. This isn't so much as an attempt at humility as it is to impress others with their humbleness. Yet find one who will actually lay out their own wretchedness in a way that is truly humbling and I would suspect they aren't a full blown narcissist. Narcissist today in the church just observe and learn what is superior in their own estimation and then put on that facade in order to be noticed by those who give accolades for such things. This isn't any different than in the days of Jesus walking on earth. The Pharisees did many religious things in order to be noticed by men (Mat. 6:1). They would put on a gloomy face when they fasted (Mat. 6:16), they would widen and lengthen their religious garments (Mat. 23:5). They would pray on the street corners and in the middle of the synagogues (Mat. 6:5), and when they gave to charity they did things as crazy as sounding a trumpet before doing so in order to be noticed by men (Mat. 6:2). This all may sound outlandish according to our culture, but it's no different today. Narcissist are really REALLY good at cultivating their religious and self-righteous reputation just like they were then. Working with the youth of known narcissists, a common thing I hear from them is the difference between who their parents are at church and who they are at home. Interestingly when a youth separates themselves from their parents, the parents call me, meet with me, almost immediately in fact, not because they are seeking to be reunited and reconcile with their children, but in order to do damage control of their reputation. To get ahead of anything their children might say in order to stave it. The efforts they will put into protecting their self-projection even at the cost of reconciling with their children is appalling.

9.) Narcissists glorify themselves. One way I've been able to discern a narcissist from those who aren't is when they speak of God I pay attention to who they are glorifying. One glorifies themselves in God's name "God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, crooked, adulterers, or even like this tax collector" (Luke 18:11), the other glorifies God at the cost of their name "wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death" (Rom. 7:24). The narcissist will speak of the ways they unlocked God. Thus drawing attention not to God, but to themselves using God's name. "Did we not do many miracles in Your name... (Mat. 7:22). The one who is in step with the Holy Spirit will glorify Jesus (John 16:14), and will likely not even notice their own involvement (Mat. 25:37-39).

10.) Narcissists emotionally reason. What is true to a narcissist is not what the facts say but what their emotions tell them. The narcissist first listens to what they feel, and facts are only permitted in if it's in accordance with what their heart is telling them. This is actually a normal thing for children, it's up to their parents and mentors to train them not to trust in their heart (Prov. 28:26), and to not lean on their own understanding (Prov. 3:5-6). In the case of the Pharisees we can see this as well. They felt Jesus was an offense and the only facts they allowed in and were willing to pay attention to was that which backed up their narrative. After an officer of a high priest struck Jesus, Jesus asked them "If I have spoken wrongly, testify of the wrong; but if rightly, why do you strike Me?" (John 18:23) The high priest's response? They sent Him bound up to Caiaphas. Peter likened this type of emotional reason to be similar to that of "unreasoning animals, born as creatures of instinct" (2 Pet. 2:12a).

11.) Narcissist within the church are drawn to Calvinism. I wrote an entire article on this here, but in short, Calvinism is the primary theological system preferred by narcissist because it not only validates them and their way of thinking but it makes God out to be like them; as One who expends other people how He sees fit in order to serve His purpose. And because they say that purpose is to glorify Himself, He therefore elects some people for salvation and by lack thereof some for condemnation, and the reason they give is this must be what gives Him the most glory. They pervert God who is love (1 John 4:8, 16) to a God who only loves Himself and everyone is expended to that purpose. I have much I've written on Calvinism here. Interestingly, just like the Pharisees saw themselves as "God's chosen people" though they were sadly mistaken, today Calvinists are convinced they are "God's chosen people" so much so they trust not in the love of God or finished work of Christ (1 John 4:16, John 19:30), but in God's election of them, thus marginalizing Christ's work on the cross as just being a means to an end to accomplish their election. Ultimately they are trusting in themselves that they are righteous (Luke 18:9).

12.) Narcissist feel God shares their judgment. Narcissist have this inherent belief that they are so truly in line with God, and God is so truly in line with them, that He will divinely punish those whom the narcissist deems worthy. They feel that God holds the same people in contempt that they do. Reprobate is a term often thrown around in church circles amongst narcissists. Just as easy as it is to label someone as part of their "in" crowd they label someone as those whom God has chosen for condemnation, i.e. reprobates. Like the Pharisees they not only will openly make these judgments, but they will look at you like you're ridiculous if you don't. "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners" (Mat. 9:11) they might ask. In this particular scenario they were truly perplexed that Jesus would dare to associate with those reprobates and not with them who, in their minds, were clearly the right choice. Jesus not only upset such notion by eating with them that day, but rather than assign us worthy of such labels as reprobate, He instead labeled Himself as one and died in our place. Grace is the great equalizer for all men (Gal. 3:28).

13.) Narcissist will persecute you. This is not a possibility, but one that should come to be expected (Mat. 5:11-12). Nobody faced more persecution than Jesus Himself, and yet nobody was more undeserving than He. If you think by doing what is right within the church, or even society, and loving on those in the world will mean a life free from contempt you are sorely mistaken. On the contrary, following Jesus will actually result in just the opposite (John 15:18-21). As it was with our Lord and the Apostles, just as they were persecuted by the religious leaders of their day, know it will be the same with you as it would be with anyone who follows Christ. The fact is, Satan is the ruler of this world (1 John 5:19, John 12:31, 14:30, 2 Cor. 4:4). Because of that, we're in his realm, and as a Christian you're shining a Light that is most unwelcomed by lovers of darkness (John 3:19).

We know that we are of God, and that the whole world lies in the power of the evil one. - 1 John 5:19

In my own experience persecution came far more heavily when I tried to do what is good, loving, encouraging, edifying, grace-giving, and meant to bless, and most, if not all of the times, such opposition and persecution came from those within the church. Those who should be champions for good became the biggest adversaries of it. Perplexing to me this was for the longest time after becoming a believer. I expected persecution from those outside the body of Christ, but not from those who were in positions of shepherding over the same people I just wanted to love up on! Then when I read the bible and see the same sufferings of those who had gone before us, I found great comfort in knowing my Lord and Apostles endured the same, yet even worse suffering for the same reasons.

14.) Narcissist resist the way to escape. Just like anyone bound up by sin, Jesus desires to set them free inasmuch as anyone (Rom. 10:21). However freedom often requires an honest confession (1 John 1:9) and therefore an honest self-reflection. I had a friend who struggles with narcissism which, given his upbringing, is understandable, but when confronted regarding his lie that I caught on surveillance, he was dogmatically gaslighting me for some time though it could all be seen and played back. The camera evidence wasn't enough. Then when I told him how he had changed his story three times during this confrontation, and that I didn't even need the camera evidence anymore, he finally broke down and broke hard crying. It was the first time I saw the oppression lift from him in the decades I knew him. It was beautiful. Experiencing this freedom he cried out "I need this!" Several times he said that, and when I asked him what he meant he explained that most people if he is dogmatic enough, gaslights enough, will give up and doubt their own eyes, but he expressed he was thankful I didn't give up. I'll admit, his gaslighting caused me to rethink the evidence I had, (I could see it on camera, and yet he was so dogmatic I did begin wondering) but ultimately I stuck to my guns. In his time of brokenness he shared how important it is to him to have someone like that (me) in his life that's willing to do that and gave several examples of how he was able to gaslight people at work and prevail (this truly was an honest confession). He cried, I cried, we hugged. He felt freedom and he knew it and in that moment realized what he had been missing.

But...it wasn't long after he doubled down on his lie. Not only did he reiterate the previous made up stories, but had constructed a whole new narrative as to why he confessed, claiming he was forced to under duress.. I call this doubling down on the lie, or, in terms of having a way of escape, burying the door. It's not that the door isn't still there, but they've shoveled dirt on top of it, because not only now if they want to repent and confess do they have to acknowledge the first lie, but they have to acknowledge the must harder lie that will be more devastating and embarrassing than the first. And as years go on without repentance, they continue to heap more dirt on the door as they reinforce their false narrative while at the same time causing so much grief in order to maintain it. Thus the last state of the man becomes worse than the first. As Peter wrote:

For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world by the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and are overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would be better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn away from the holy commandment handed on to them. It has happened to them according to the true proverb, “A dog returns to its own vomit,” and, “A sow, after washing, returns to wallowing in the mire." - 2 Peter 2:20-22

This is the kind of mentality that today in our country fashion laws, make up rules, and preemptively attack you in order to keep you from questioning their projected reality. To make an honest confession now means there's so much more to lose than there was in the beginning. I believe this is why it's harder for a rich man to enter heaven (Mark 10:25), like the Rich Young Ruler they have so much to lose making it much more difficult to let go of (Mat. 19:21), only it's not wealth it's pride, it's reputation, it's risking taking an honest self-look. When Paul had spent all day going through scripture with the Pharisees in an attempt to convince them of the Messiah and the coming Kingdom, some believed, but others refused to. It's not that they couldn't believe, it's that they didn't want to (Acts 28:24). "For the hearts of this people have become insensitive, and with their ears they hardly hear, and they have closed their eyes" (Acts 28:27a). If my buddy were to confess now, it wouldn't be dealing with just the original lie that I no longer care about, but it would be coming to terms with the years worth of condemnation he's held my wife and I under and the damage he's done to many relationships to justify it. While that would be amazing, short of a direct work of God giving him a road to Damascus type experience (Acts 9:1-19), I just don't see it happening.

15.) Narcissist are ensnared in a way that makes it impossible for them to see they are a narcissist. How would you describe the color orange to someone born blind? Would you describe it like the sunset, or the fruit it's named after? Such a person born blind has no point of reference to begin to understand what the color orange looks like. So is it with a narcissist. But that's only half the problem. At least a person born blind...knows they don't know what the color orange looks like. A narcissist is equally blind (spiritually), but fully convinced they see, and there lies the trap they are in.

Those who were with Him from the Pharisees heard these things and said to Him, “We are not blind too, are we?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now that you maintain, ‘We see,’ your sin remains. - John 9:40-41

The Pharisees claim to sight showed their complete unawareness of their spiritual blindness and need. Though they claim to have sight, their actions testified otherwise. Proverbs 26:12 states "Do you see a person wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him". Nobody who is spiritually starving will ask for food as long as they are convinced they are not. Yet look at them and you will see they are spiritually wasting away. And most sad is that here you have people starving themselves trying to guide others who are also starving but never leading them to actual (spiritual) food.

Leave them alone; they are blind guides of blind people. And if a person who is blind guides another who is blind, both will fall into a pit.” - Matthew 15:14

There is that phrase again "leave them alone". How do you help a person who is convinced not only do they not need help, but that they are God's gift to mankind. As long as they say "we see" their sin remains (John 9:41).

16.) Narcissists tempts hardening of the heart. One thing that is important for us to do who are on the receiving end of such abuse is not to return evil for evil (1 Pet. 3:9). This does not equate to being a punching bag, as the verses I mentioned above state "avoid such people as these" and "leave them alone". But rather this is you protecting your own heart (Prov. 4:23) and not giving into the temptation to let your love grow cold because of the increase in lawlessness around you, and done to you (Mat. 24:12). I actually believe this is why we avoid such people. It's not out of hate, but to keep hate from happening in your heart. Freeing us up to "bless those who curse you, pray for those who are abusive to you" (Luke 6:28). Love often send us in, willing to be punching bags, because we want to rescue those bound up, the same can be said of Jesus. Yet the headliner verse above states "avoid such people as these". Thank God for the heart provocation you have in you that desires to love them, that actually is fruit (Gal. 5:22-23), but don't let that be your excuse to set aside the wisdom of scripture to follow the impulses you feel instead of the wisdom you know.

Now I fully recognize some are married or are in some form of a relationship with someone they feel this article describes, actually most who have wrote me regarding my articles on narcissism often describe spouses, family, bosses, and others who they can't so easily "avoid". There is not blanket advice to all situations like these but each one must be considered individually and I would suggest under the counsel of a few, good, godly people, who likely themselves have examples of how they have endured (Mat. 24:13). By godly I mean those whose advice sides with God, not you, nor the other, who won't tickle your ears, nor hasten to label and discard the other, but rather those who show the evidence of love in their heart that truly reflects God. Even Jesus, while angry with the Pharisees, yet still grieved over them which showed His vested interest in their well-being (Mark 3:5-6).

Can a narcissist be a Christian? Or reworded can a Christian be a narcissist. Ultimately I think this question is best answered with a question, can a Pharisee be a Christian? If they can't, what hope is there for any of us. If a narcissist is disqualified for their sin, so are all of us. Ultimately you and I, given the right set of circumstances, are capable of the same evil as they. Even now, labeling narcissists tempt the labeler to see themselves in a position of elevation thus exhibiting the same behaviors as narcissists who see themselves as superior. We may even be tempted to thank God that we're not like them... (Luke 18:11). Now that we're humbled, there are some things to consider and many warnings in scripture about false prophets, false teachers, and false brethren. On one hand, Paul himself stated of himself that nothing good dwelled in his flesh (Rom. 7:18), yet on the other, Jesus said if anyone abides in Christ He will bear much fruit (John 15:5), and you will know a tree by it's fruit (Mat.7:15-20). It's important to not look at the flesh and equate it's failures as being indicative of an absent of the Spirit. It's also important to recognize a good tree will, at least in seasons, bear good fruit. The fact is, some Pharisees came to know Christ, Paul for example was a Pharisee (Acts 23:6), yet others crucified Him (Mark 15:10). We shouldn't be so quick to dismiss or we may be found doing the same thing as they.

So what do we do? I spent years researching and mulling over exactly this. My best friend who became family by marrying into our family has turned against me and I wanted him (and them) back. All resources I could find in the secular world said to run away, that there was nothing I could do. All resources I could find in the Christian world said to run away, that there was nothing I could do. For years I refused to accept that, but after trying and enduring his wrath for every attempt, of which there were many, I learn the hard way that the advice spoken in many of the verses I've spoken here may indeed be the best course of action. I pray for them often, and find ways to safely love up on them and their kids (our nieces) as much as a shunned family member can, but contrary to my hearts desire, I refrain from reaching out again, heeding the wisdom of Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

The other thing you can do is acknowledge your part. This isn't easy. I know I've struggled for years. Fortunately I have a friend who is willing to speak truth into my life...one who like me, has suffered at the hands of narcissists. Who in seeing the value for her own benefit in this acknowledgment encouraged me in the same. Easier it is to forgive when you realize you're just as guilty as the narcissist (or anyone else) is before God. One time in my frustration and bitterness I had pondered before God why He was not doing anything about it and His response pressed upon me was "I am as patient with him as I am with you". Humbling that was, but easier to pray for mercy to be poured out on him since we're in the same boat.