In an age where feelings are exalted to the position of absolute authority on what is true, it is perhaps more important now, than ever, to recognize that you and your heart (and what it feels) are separate agents, and your heart is not on your side. The world recognizes this independence of the heart, citing correctly that the "heart has a mind of it's own". Unfortunately, while the Bible steers people away from trusting it, the world encourages just the opposite, saying things like "Trust your gut", "Follow your heart", "Believe in yourself", all which are different ways of saying trust in your heart. Something which scripture ascribes to a fool;
One who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but one who walks wisely will flee to safety. - Proverbs 28:26
I wish this deception was limited to just the world, but sadly it has at large permeated the church, so much so, that such beliefs and sayings are brought into the church and accepted at large, often disguised as trusting in God. Instead of outright advising one to "trust your gut", the same advised is rephrased as things like "Let peace be your guide." Thus trusting in one's heart, yet ascribing it to the Spirit. Can I just say right now, if Jesus had let peace be His guide, He would have never gone to the cross, and we'd all be doomed (Luke 22:44). Fortunate for us Christ was faithful despite how He felt (John 12:27).
When a person is born, all they have is instinct, reasoning develops later...or at least it should. Like other attributes, this can remain undeveloped by a poor upbringing. A baby for example has not begun to reason yet and is completely motivated by how they feel. Likewise young children are ruled by their feelings and therefore until they mature, must be trained rather than taught. "Spare the rod spoil the child" as scripture puts it. Why? Because a child who is governed by their feelings must trained through their feelings if they are going to course correct. This is why proverbs instructs us to "train a child in the way they should go..." (Prov. 22:6). It does not say "teach" but rather "train". You can teach the brain, but you train the heart.
The apostle Peter, in speaking of false prophets describes them as being "like unreasoning animals, born as creatures of instinct..." (2 Pet. 2:12). One of the biggest things that separates man from animals is the ability to reason. Animals are 100% feeling driven all the time. You will never sit down with your dog and successfully explain why they shouldn't eat their vomit (Prov. 26:11)...you have to train them it's bad. So it is with young children.
Unfortunately some people never mature beyond emotionally reasoning. Emotional reasoning can be defined as determining what is true based on what you feel. This is a key characteristic of what the world labels narcissists, but it's one every person has to wrestle with. The narcissist however has 100% given way to their emotional reasoning, for them, their heart has determined what is true regardless of facts and logic. To the extreme this has manifested itself in people who are born men, saying they are women, and vice versa. Facts, and sound reasoning have been thrown by the wayside. Unfortunately for them, those closest to them who should be able to speak the truth, even when it hurts (Prov. 27:6) not only don't do that, but instead go on the offensive to anyone else who would dare to love them enough to speak the hard truth. We have actually enacted laws to label such truth-speaking as hate crimes, thus allowing those who are delusional to not only snap out of it, but be reinforced by society as a whole.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. - Proverbs 27:6
Often people go on shows like American idol and make fools of themselves because they can't sing and I wonder, did they not have a single true friend, someone trustworthy in their lives, who was willing to speak up and say "you can't sing" before they got on the stage and proved it to the world. Or did they, like a narcissist, discard those who dare counter the truth their hearts were speaking to them. Did they do like Ahab (1 Kin. 22:8), who surrounded himself with false prophets who would only tell him what was pleasing to his ears.
Emotional reasoning is a battle everyone must deal with, Even Jesus,
Now My soul has become troubled; and what am I to say? ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour. - John 12:27
Emotional reasoning is powerful. Even Jesus, when faced with what was to come, entered such a state of anxiety that He sweat blood (Luke 22:44) and cried out to the Father for any other way (Mat. 26:39). Therefore we'd be foolish to think we're exempt or to even downplay the power the heart has over us. But, and this very important, you are not your heart. Your feelings are not the sum of who you are, but they are derived from an independent agent altogether. Take a look at how the bible identifies your heart as a separate agent from you:
"That if our heart condemns us..." 1 John 3:20a
"Do not let your heart be troubled..." John 14:1a
"Watch over your heart with all diligence..." Prov. 4:23a
Observe how the psalms wrestles with his heart,
"Why are you in despair, my soul? and why are you restless within me? - Psalm 42:5
What you feel, and what you are, are independent of each other, and what you feel is governed by your heart and it is NOT your advocate:
The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it? - Jeremiah 17:9
So many Christians know this verse, but do not heed this verse to their own detriment. Jeremiah is stating the heart is the most deceitful and it's sick, so much so, nobody can understand to what depth. Do you really want to trust in that? Yet we do...we allow our hearts to tell us what is true about us. In trusting it, when it says we are condemned, we believe it (1 John 3:20), and while we may not go on American idol when we can't sing, through the same emotional reasoning we go on living as if we are condemned when we are in fact redeemed. Our hearts, often shaped by a bad upbringing, starves for love, and yet through bad training of our parents and mentors, feels unloved, and transfers that reality on to you...if you'll heed it.
This is why scripture emphasizes the importance of not walking according what we experience, but by what we know is true by faith. Paul says "for we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Cor. 5:7). Therefore it is not our hearts which should be trusted, nor considered lamps to our feet, but God's word.
Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path. - Psalm 119:105
Peter, when He held to the word of our Lord who commanded Him to come out of the boat, listened and walked on water. It was only after His emotions got the better of him did he began to sink (Mat. 14:29-31).
A good exercise to do often and regularly is to write down your feelings, journal them, or at least list the feelings your heart is throwing at you thus pulling them out of the darkness they work in and forcing them to come to light for what they are. This is the process of taking every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5). Once that's done, write down what scripture says by contrast. For example, you might say "my heart says I'm condemned (1 John 3:20), but scripture says Jesus is the propitiation for all mankind, and the Savior of all people, and that includes me (1 John 2:2, 1 Tim. 4:10), and therefore there is nothing left to condemn me (Col. 2:13, Rom. 8:34). This is literally the same battle between Satan and Jesus. Satan would appeal to Christ's heart, Christ countered by quoting the Word of God. (Mat. 4:1-11).
This is why it's crucial to recognize your heart as an independent agent, and to know it's not working for you, it's working for it. Understanding that will allow you to find relief when your heart is attacking you. Sure, at times it may have for a season aligned with faith, and I know those times are wonderful. Someday God will give us new hearts, new bodies, and when that time comes our faith will be made sight. I believe God often meets people on an emotional level in their early years as Christians because it's the language they listen to and trust. But God doesn't want to leave you there. If God showed up every time we cried like a baby, we'd never mature beyond that.
Listen to someone talk about their faith not being what it used to be and what you'll usually hear is someone describe the feelings they used to have that aligned with their faith. Misguided, they equate their feelings with faith which it is not, and conclude by their feelings that their faith is failing, weakening, or getting worse. I would actually argue that their faith is being refined, and shows up in contrast to their feelings. For if one doesn't believe, they wouldn't stick around and endure the hard feelings.
One of the best discoveries is when I realized that faith and feelings are not woven together but are separate. When what I felt to be true, and what I understood to be true didn't have to line up and that was okay. That is literally the essence of the Proverb I first stated in this article. "One who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but one who walks wisely will flee to safety." (Prov. 28:26). Notice the contrast. The fool trusts in his heart and therefore walks according to it. The wise have the same foolish heart, and battle with the same foolish feelings. So what's the difference? They choose to walk according to their wisdom despite their heart. It's not that they suddenly got their hearts to line up, it's that they, in wisdom, did not yield to their hearts, but instead walked according to what they knew to be wise.
So many of us (including myself) are stuck trying to get our hearts to line up with what we know to be true. Instead of walking ahead we are constantly turning around, looking within, and like the Psalmist (Psa. 42:5,11, 43:5), we desperately try and reason with our hearts to no avail. But like fools, we don't move on because we continue to trust it and feel as though it must be fixed first and then we can proceed. So we remain there, stuck, arguing with it, refusing to walk ahead until we get it first straightened out.
Now I'm not saying there isn't value in guarding your heart, scripture actually encourages that because God knows how powerful feelings are (Prov. 4:23). I'm just pointing out that at some point, we need to recognize that God is greater than our heart (1 John 3:20) and choose to walk according to faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7), despite how we may feel. The fact is, the heart can't be reasoned with. If it could be, then illegal drugs would lose all their merit because a person could simply say to their heart be happy and it would...and that would be that. But as it is, that's impossible. The heart is it's own agent.
Your heart can be likened to a small, selfish child that you must lead around by the hand. Proverbs state, "He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently". You likewise need to discipline your own heart, denying it what it wants (Mat. 16:24), and forcing it to go down the path you know is best. It will absolutely resist you and will do so for a season until the retraining of having walked it down the right path repeatedly starts to pay off. Proverbs also states "Train a child in the way they should go, and when they are older they will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6). Just as you train a child's heart, so is it with our own hearts. We therefore are not to follow our heart but lead it.
Listen, my son, and be wise,
And direct your heart in the way. - Proverbs 23:19
It is not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of a man that defiles him (cf Mat. 15:10). When you do not direct your heart, but let your heart run the show, you become defiled by it. "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements." (Mat. 15:19).
You cannot control how you feel, but you can control how you respond. You can choose to stay stuck until your feelings come around, which they won't this way. Or you can choose to walk by faith despite your feelings. In so doing you'll find your heart, instead of you following it, it begins to follow you. As Jesus noted this order of things when He said "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Mat. 6:21). If this is something you're ready to pursue I would strongly encourage you to read this article.
I was invited with a church group to go to Mexico to build a house for a family in need in Tijuana (my about page has a picture of that trip). I almost didn't go, in fact, I said no several times, and had solid reasons to not go. For one, I get horribly motion sick, even when I'm driving, so the thought of riding in a van with people for 3 days to get there seemed like a bad idea. In addition to that there were diet concerns. My doctor has had me on a strict diet that can't be so easily tailored to on a missions trip. Then there was my concerns over the bathrooms...TMI, but I only like to do my business at home and we were camping in a place shared by hundreds, with lines of porta-potties that were filled with Mexico sized misquitoes and no running water. Tijuana is the highest violent crime city in the world...so there were safety concerns and a lot of other concerns.
Explaining all these concerns made sense to the team that invited me, and they not only understood, but agreed with my reservations. But these reasons didn't make sense to God. It's amazing how much your arguments fall flat with Him. With man, Peter could have reasoned all day long why he shouldn't get out of the boat, and not one person would have argued, for nobody has walked on water before. But there is one Man who would argue, Jesus, and with Him in the equation, even the very laws of physics come after Him. That was what I was facing. So trembling, and much back and forth, I decided to go. But my heart remained fearful going into everything. Pressing on was not done excitedly, but obediently...and I'm so glad I did.
It had been a long time since I felt God. This trip brought that back. I could go on and on regarding the ways God showed up. From motion sickness not being an issue, to having bathrooms cleaned everyday just before I used them and how nobody was around when I did. We had a security team that stayed with us throughout, even accompanying us to and from the job site. My diet was met exceedingly (and it is very strict) with every single snack and meal. Then there were the things I couldn't foresee that God took care of and the relationships built through that trip that will last for life. I didn't go on a strong feeling of faith, but on a mustard seed of faith, and when I saw God show up over and over again, even in things I didn't know He noticed or cared about, even my heart started to enjoy Him again. It had been awhile, that was wonderful.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. - 2 Corinthians 5:7
If this resonated with you, here are some other articles you may be interested in:
You Can Teach the Brain but You Train the Heart