We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers and sisters. But whoever has worldly goods and sees his brother or sister in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God remain in him? Little children, let’s not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will set our heart at ease before Him, that if our heart condemns us, that God is greater than our heart, and He knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask, we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight.- 1 John 3:16-22

The Apostle John spends a good amount of time in this epistle addressing how to discern the difference between someone genuinely having the love of God in them from someone who does not. Several times in this letter, John gives prescriptions for the worried, fearful heart, in order that true believers may reassure their hearts and have confidence before God when they see Him. First, we'll break down this section of verses, and then we'll get into the meat of each one.

John describes how to identify love:

We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers and sisters. - 1 John 3:16

John gives an example of the absence of such love:

But whoever has worldly goods and sees his brother or sister in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God remain in him? - 1 John 3:17

John gives instructions for those who have such love present:

Little children, let’s not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. - 1 John 3:18

John gives a prescription for the worried heart:

We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will set our heart at ease before Him, that if our heart condemns us, that God is greater than our heart, and He knows all things. - John 3:19-20

Why John wants you to feel secure in Christ:

Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask, we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight. - 1 John 3:21-22

(v16) "We know love by this..." John is about to describe to us what genuine love looks like: "...that He laid down His life for us". True love will be denoted by sacrifice. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom. 5:8). When Jesus was observing those contributing to the temple treasure, he made a noteworthy distinction between the wealthy and the widow. "And He said, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them; for they all contributed to the offering from their surplus; but she, from her poverty, put in all that she had to live on.” (Luke 21:3). To give out of surplus is to give only after you've served yourself to the full and have leftovers. The widow that day contributed little by comparison in terms of dollar figures, but by sacrifice, she gave more than the rest of them put together. Love doesn't require sacrifice, but when sacrifice is present, it attests to a genuine love.

Sacrifice does not always mean money; sometimes, sacrifice means comfort, security, reputation, position, relationship, or time. Some people only give out of their surplus of these things. Time is arguably the larger commodity than money. For nobody is rich in time. Many in the church are happy to contribute funds, but far fewer are willing to sacrifice time, comfort, security, etc. 

(v17) "But whoever has worldly goods and sees his brother or sister in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God remain in him?" If you consider what motivates a person to sacrificial love, you come up with one answer: compassion. Instead of "Closes his heart", the King James Version writes "shutteth up his bowels of compassion". Why did Jesus endure the cross? Because we were on His mind (Heb. 12:2). Why did the Father choose to give up His only begotten Son? Because if He didn't, there would be no guilt offering for us (Isa. 53:10). God, in seeing the need, was moved with compassion at levels we can hardly comprehend, even for those who were His enemies (Rom. 5:10). 

John here gives a very easy scenario to have compassion that would invoke only minimal sacrifice. We know that the person already has the worldly goods the other needs, so it's not an issue of lacking provisions, but then, instead of being provoked to compassion when he sees his brother or sister in need, he instead closes his heart to them. If the love of God is one that reflects compassion that's willing to sacrifice, how can this person, who says they love their brother or sister, be genuine when at the same time they close their heart to such an easy-to-fill need? Later, John will plainly state, "The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8).

Compassion is an interesting beast. When compassion is provoked, sacrifice is easy to the degree that compassion compels them. A person moved with compassion doesn't consider the loss a thing to be grasped (Phil. 2:6-8), but is instead compelled with an overriding type of love, that pursues to meet the need on behalf of the loved one with little to no self-regard (1 Cor. 13:5). In this case the sacrifice was small equating to merely parting with some worldly goods. If a person's heart is not provoked with such a small need on behalf of their brother or sister, John asks, "How does the love of God remain in him?" In other words, how can the love of God, which held Jesus to the cross and caused the Father to forsake His Son, not be reflected in a much less inconvenient way in those who say they have it too?

There's one more thing we can glean from John's inquiry. When John asks, "How does the love of God remain in him?" This is an evidential statement. He's pointing out that such love gives evidence of the love within, cause and effect. Many people will be tempted to read these verses and go through the motions that look like compassion and resemble the effect, but lack the cause. Their attempt to sacrifice will not be any better than the pharisees who did many right things for the wrong reasons in order to appear genuine (Mat. 23). Yet Christ said of them that they were whitewashed tombs, on the outside appeared beautiful, but inside were full of dead man's bones and all uncleanness (Mat. 23:27). John isn't saying go play pretend, which amounts to hypocrisy, but rather a branch who is of a good tree will be evident because of the good fruit (Mat. 7:15-20, Gal. 5:22-23). Branches don't focus on bearing fruit, but it's the organic byproduct resulting from being connected to the Vine (John 15:5). John is asking how someone, if they genuinely have the love of God in them, not bear the fruit that results from that.

(v18) "Little children, let's not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth". James gives a similar admonishment, "And one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,” yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?" (Jam. 2:16). Many people are quick to give "thoughts and prayers" to those suffering. Some are willing to donate funds as long as they can keep their own comforts and distance. Few are willing to risk getting messy and come alongside those who are in a mess. Like the Priest and the Levite, when they see someone suffering along their path they move to the other side of the road (Luke 10:30-37), yet it was the Samaritan who saw the man suffering and "felt compassion" (Luke 10:33) and therefore diverted from whatever plans they were headed to, used up their own supply of bandages, oil, and wine. Carried them on their own animal to an inn, and left a deposit with the innkeeper, and a promise to return should needs exceed that deposit. Many, I believe, have the desire to get messy on behalf of others because of the love of God in them. John is saying do it.

(v19) "We will know by this we are of the truth..." Here is the crux of this article. We will know by this John says, what is "this"? By the presence of compassion, provoking one to sacrificial love as we covered above. John says if this is present in you, then you can know that the love of God is in you, and knowing that "will set our heart at ease before Him". John is making a distinction between a man without the love of God in them and a man with it, and that distinction is compassion that moves to action. One must ask of themselves what is most important to them? Do you see sacrificial love in your life? The world says "take care of yourself first", but God says "love does not seek its own" (1 Cor. 13:5). When you see someone in need, do you feel compassion for them? Does that compassion compel you to action? 

There is one more thing I should point out. The lack of action does not necessarily indicate a lack of love. I believe this is why John commanded us to love "in deed and truth". If it were automatic, there would be no need for this command and the similar one from James. The distinction is between the one who is moved to compassion from the one who closes their heart. In John's example, the person had the means to provide and was made aware of the need, but chose to refuse. I would argue compassion is the key difference. One with compassion is bothered on behalf of the person in need, even when they don't act. Why? Because compassion calls for action. When one can't act, or chooses not to for various reasons, even selfish reasons, if compassion is present, they are left unsettled. I believe this is why we are called to take up our own cross daily (Luke 9:23). For when we aren't looking toward self-preservation, comfort, security, etc, the love that God put in us is free to go out unhindered. For when we are weak, He is strong (2 Cor. 12:10). Jesus put it this way, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, this is the one who will save it." (Mat. 16:25). 'Wants' being the key word.

I have witnessed brothers and sisters in Christ, enduring significant suffering, say to me, "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy". When they considered the anguish they were going through, and being very well acquainted with it regularly, were provoked with compassion even on behalf of their enemies. Sound like Someone Else you may know? Jesus went through hell, specifically so that we, who were His enemies (Rom. 5:8,10), would never experience it.

(v20) "that if our heart condemns us, that God is greater than our heart, and He knows all things". This deserves an article of its own. A self-condemning heart is a very rough thing to contend with. These are hearts that usually belong to legalistic-leaning people, who are constantly looking at where they believe they should be, and where they are, and are constantly being accused by their hearts in the same way Satan is the accuser of the brethren. Those brought up in authoritarian, legalistic homes and churches are going to be more prone to this. John (and therefore God who inspired this) knows we'll struggle with this. I believe the whole reason He's encouraging us with this example is specifically to contend against our self-condemning hearts. 

Those with self-condemning hearts lock onto everything they are doing wrong. As Satan would have them, their hearts point out what they could do better and hardly dwell on what has been done right. The goal of Satan in promoting such condemnation in your heart is to keep you from coming to God. When you try and pray, ask God for favors, help, etc.; Even when reading this article, those with a self-condemning heart are finding ways to disqualify themselves from even the encouragement that is rightfully theirs by the work God has done in them. We don't come to God on the basis of our righteousness; we don't ask for things of Him in our name. But we come to God on the basis of Christ's righteousness, and therefore we come boldly (Heb. 4:16), expectantly, and we ask for things in His Name. Fortunately, as John states in this verse, "that even if our heart condemns us, that God is greater than our heart, and He knows all things". Your heart is not the final authority on you. God is. And while your heart may accuse you, God, who is in you, has more authority, wisdom, and knowledge than your heart, and therefore your heart does not get the final say in Heaven, but He who represents you does. Just because you don't feel right calling Him Abba, doesn't change the fact that He is your Daddy.

Condemnation is not from Jesus. Jesus made it clear on several occasions that He did not come to condemn the world, but to save the world (John 3:17, John 12:47). It is not in the heart of God to condemn you, but to save you (Isa. 30:18). God will convict, but it is Satan who condemns. Paul actually speaks of the difference between conviction that is from God and condemnation that is from Satan. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death" (2 Cor. 7:10). Conviction from God is a pleasing thing and doesn't produce regret. Condemnation from Satan is a miserable thing and doesn't do any good.

(v21-22) "Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask, we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight.". If you raise a child making them feel stupid every day of their upbringing, they will, for the rest of their life, likely contend with feelings of ineptness and incompetence... even if they are able and smart. Their hearts have been trained to feel this way and even if the intellectually have every reason to justify they are not, it's very hard to go against those ingrained, deep seated feelings they have been trained in (Prov. 22:6). This person may be very smart, but if they don't feel it, they likely won't go out and walk the walk of someone who is smart. The same is true for the self-condemning believer. 

When we come to God not on the basis of our works, but on the basis of His grace, when we come to God on the basis of who Christ is, and not on who we are, it is only then that we can feel confidence in prayer. For it's not our worthiness or lack thereof that provokes God to move, but it's Christ's worthiness that we are asking in.

If the believer feels condemned and therefore lacks confidence before God, they are not likely to have a walk like one who feels confident, free, and secure. Earlier in this chapter, John states, "And everyone who has this hope set on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." (1 John 3:3). Therefore, it's no surprise that those who feel they don't have this hope may not live such a victorious life and pursue purity. That doesn't mean they don't have victory in Jesus, but it means they aren't motivated by it because they feel just the opposite. But, if they do feel confident, you will see them more apt to keep God's commandments and eager to do the things pleasing in His sight. Why? Because they feel the hope of such success in doing those things. But those downtrodden by their hearts stay stuck trying to fix themselves, and in not recognizing they are already fixed by Him, they lack hope and are convinced God is displeased with them. How are those who themselves do not expect open arms from Jesus when He appears going to feel encouraged to share Jesus with others? It's only after a person realizes they are in Christ, and there is now therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus(Rom. 8:1), that they feel free to go forth.

It's no wonder then that Satan wishes you to be kept under the bondage of guilt, for a Christian who walks in His freedom and confidence before God is dangerous to him (Gal. 2:4); David facing Goliath comes to mind. But a person who feels condemned will not want to approach God out of fear. Many times in this letter, John wishes to reaffirm to the reader how they can be confident in their secure position in Christ. I believe this is compassion on his part, for our sake, but also because a believer who knows who they are in Christ becomes a force to be reckoned with; they are not stuck in trying to achieve that which Christ already achieved for them, but actively out making known to others the freedom they themselves are enjoying. John opened this chapter by speaking some wonderful things that are in store for the believer, and his constant reaffirmations throughout this letter indicate he anticipates those who will have a hard time believing it's for them and because of their self-condemning heart, will be prone to disqualify themselves from so great a hope, though that hope is indeed theirs.